Short stories and essays by Shaun Costello, as well as excerpts from manuscripts in progress.

GINGRICH “SPONGEBOB” RANT ANGERS PARENTS

GINGRICH “SPONGE BOB” RANT ANGERS PARENTS. MIGHT COST HIM NOMINATION.

ASSOCIATED PRESS December 4th  During a news conference today, Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich stunned reporters with an angry outburst aimed at the hugely popular children’s animated TV program, SpongeBob Square Pants. Taking questions, after making a speech before the Florida Businessmen’s Alliance in Tampa Florida today, the former Speaker of the House was asked whether he was aware of recent tweets suggesting his physical similarity to the beloved animated character, SpongeBob Square Pants. An angered Gingrich rebuked his questioner, “I know of no such suggestions, and if I did know any such suggestions, this is hardly the time or place to address them. This is just another example of the liberal press attempting to smear a Presidential candidate by comparing him to a ridiculous, and I might add, dangerous animated character in what is alleged to be a children’s TV series.” When asked what he meant by dangerous, Mr. Gingrich replied, “SpongeBob Square Pants is a subversive, and suggestive piece of socialist propaganda, aimed at convincing innocent children that sea sponges, and other creatures live harmoniously beneath the world’s oceans, in a world of happiness and tranquility, far removed from the contentious realities of everyday life. A child growing up being fed that kind of hogwash will have no chance whatsoever of successfully dealing with the harsh realities that confront today’s adults”. Asked what he meant by the show being suggestive, the former Speaker said, “The Square Pants family, and all of the other silly anthropomorphic anomalies in this show live in the fictional undersea town of Bikini Bottom. Need I say more? I think we all know what’s in a bikini bottom gentlemen, and that’s not the kind of place where the innocent minds of children need to dwell.”

Mr. Gingrich, who in recent weeks has spoken out about fixing school budgets by firing the janitorial staff and giving mops and brooms to the kids themselves, and institutionalizing the children of welfare families by placing them in orphanages, did not waver in his tough-love approach to education. “You can bet that the funding for socialist propaganda like SpongeBob, is deeply rooted in the National Endowment for the Arts, which has, as studies have shown, a Marxist/Leninist agenda.” Mr. Gingrich refused to take any further questions, and left the podium. Calls to the Gingrich for President campaign headquarters, attempting to confirm today’s comments, have gone unanswered.

*

© 2011 Shaun Costello

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10 responses

  1. AnnetteHeinz

    What would this racist adulterous bastid know of socialism? Guess that $2 million account at Tiffany’s keeps a wife. LMAO

    December 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    • shauncostello

      I think his Tiffany’s bill was only half a Mil, Annette. The two million refers to his illegal lobbying fees for the past few years.

      December 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

  2. trupatriot

    Is this serious?
    If Grinch blows up, I guess Ron Paul will be top seed!
    Obama just lost the election.

    December 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    • silas

      They would dig up and run Reagan’s corpse before they let Paul have the nomination.

      December 5, 2011 at 10:28 am

      • shauncostello

        Considering the fact that President Reagan was symptomatic with Alzheimers for the last three years of his second term, there would probably be little noticeable difference between his appearance during those years, and his current, post mortem self.

        December 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

  3. chiefagc5675

    Obviously he had heard of his similarity to Spongebob and did not care for it being a world famous historian and all.

    December 5, 2011 at 8:49 am

  4. FryarTuk

    Newt is a misunderstood fellow who is the product of a poor childhood, overreaching intellect and unsatisfied libido. He was never chosen by his peers when dividing up on the playground to play soccer or baseball. Team captains always settled his assignment with a trade like, “okay, you guys get Newtie and we’ll take Stinky. We had him last time.” Or something like that. He ran off with his high school math teacher for chrissakes. The only thinkg worse would be running off with the librarian. You can see he was educated well beyond his intelligence.

    December 5, 2011 at 8:51 am

  5. Elizabeth

    If SpongeBob is a “suggestive piece of socialist propaganda, aimed at convincing innocent children that sea sponges, and other creatures live harmoniously beneath the world’s oceans, in a world of happiness and tranquility, far removed from the contentious realities of everyday life,” then Bugs Bunny was a screaming liberal who was against 2nd amendment rights by trying to take Elmer Fudd’s guns away from him.

    Besides, it’s not harmonious. I think if he ever saw the program, he would know that Squidward has never lived one moment of happiness and tranquility living between SpongeBob and Patrick. Many of the best episodes who how Squidward cannot live with either SpongeBob or Patrick anywhere in his life and Plankton has the very real problem of dealing with the free market competition of the Krusty Krab taking all his business, because the free market allows people to eat where they wish.

    If anything, Gingrich looks like (in the last photo in your post) like a grumpy Squidward. See:

    Gingrich may be shaped like SpongeBob, but he’s all Squidward!

    December 8, 2011 at 11:17 pm

  6. Lyda Ellender

    SpongeBob: This little guy always tries to do the right thing, and is a hard worker. He may not always end up getting the results he hoped for, but he bounces back and tackles his work with a renewed vigor. SpongeBob works very hard, he’s a good friend, he always thinks of others, and tries to have fun no matter what he is faced with. Hardworking, friendly SpongeBob is the guy to be when writing articles…

    Our very own blog site
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    February 21, 2013 at 4:55 am

    • shauncostello

      I’m glad you seem sanguine with Bikini Bottom’s own, Lyda. Although your motive in commenting is a bit murky. Cheers.

      February 21, 2013 at 7:22 am

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