GINGRICH “SPONGEBOB” RANT ANGERS PARENTS
GINGRICH “SPONGE BOB” RANT ANGERS PARENTS. MIGHT COST HIM NOMINATION.
ASSOCIATED PRESS December 4th During a news conference today, Republican Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich stunned reporters with an angry outburst aimed at the hugely popular children’s animated TV program, SpongeBob Square Pants. Taking questions, after making a speech before the Florida Businessmen’s Alliance in Tampa Florida today, the former Speaker of the House was asked whether he was aware of recent tweets suggesting his physical similarity to the beloved animated character, SpongeBob Square Pants. An angered Gingrich rebuked his questioner, “I know of no such suggestions, and if I did know any such suggestions, this is hardly the time or place to address them. This is just another example of the liberal press attempting to smear a Presidential candidate by comparing him to a ridiculous, and I might add, dangerous animated character in what is alleged to be a children’s TV series.” When asked what he meant by dangerous, Mr. Gingrich replied, “SpongeBob Square Pants is a subversive, and suggestive piece of socialist propaganda, aimed at convincing innocent children that sea sponges, and other creatures live harmoniously beneath the world’s oceans, in a world of happiness and tranquility, far removed from the contentious realities of everyday life. A child growing up being fed that kind of hogwash will have no chance whatsoever of successfully dealing with the harsh realities that confront today’s adults”. Asked what he meant by the show being suggestive, the former Speaker said, “The Square Pants family, and all of the other silly anthropomorphic anomalies in this show live in the fictional undersea town of Bikini Bottom. Need I say more? I think we all know what’s in a bikini bottom gentlemen, and that’s not the kind of place where the innocent minds of children need to dwell.”
Mr. Gingrich, who in recent weeks has spoken out about fixing school budgets by firing the janitorial staff and giving mops and brooms to the kids themselves, and institutionalizing the children of welfare families by placing them in orphanages, did not waver in his tough-love approach to education. “You can bet that the funding for socialist propaganda like SpongeBob, is deeply rooted in the National Endowment for the Arts, which has, as studies have shown, a Marxist/Leninist agenda.” Mr. Gingrich refused to take any further questions, and left the podium. Calls to the Gingrich for President campaign headquarters, attempting to confirm today’s comments, have gone unanswered.
© 2011 Shaun Costello