I was awakened about 3AM by the light. The kitchen lights were on. Had I left them on before going to sleep? I got up to reconnoiter. The office lights were on as well, and the computer. What the fuck? I could never have gone to bed with everything on, but I was too tired to care. I turned everything off and went back to sleep.
Jazzbo begins his morning assault on my blissful unconsciousness at approximately 5AM. He begins with subtle murmurs, and gradually steps up the decibel level and physicality of his attack, until a few minutes before six when, while sitting squarely on my chest, the biting begins. He knows this is effective because it works every morning. I sit up on the edge of the bed and, after a series of head butts on my legs, we settle in to some head scratching, back petting, and tail stroking. OK, I’m up now. I turn on the light, grope for my flip flops, and mosey toward the kitchen, with Jazzbo weaving between my legs at every step.
The routine is always the same. I turn on the lights in the office, then the computer. Next is the kitchen, and making coffee – but wait…..not this morning. Something’s wrong. On the counter, next to the coffee maker is my cup – the one I use every morning. There’s coffee residue on the bottom. It’s been used. The coffee maker is filled with cold coffee. I always wash it after it’s done its work. And Jazzbo’s milk snack bowl is on the counter with some milk still sitting on the bottom. What is happening? Then it dawns on me. The lights at 3AM. At some point in the middle of the night I must have awakened, thinking it was 6AM. It’s just as dark here at six as at three. And I began my morning routine of turning on the lights, the computer, and the coffee maker. I even drank a cup of coffee. And I gave Jazzbo his milk snack. I have no memory whatsoever of doing any of this. Was I sleep walking? Did I have a psychotic episode? Is this early Alzheimers? I have no idea what triggered this event, or any recollection of Jazzbo’s participation. He was probably too freaked out by my sleep walking to join in.
Here’s what normally happens:
After I’ve poured the water into the coffee maker, Jazzbo attacks the empty sink, lapping up what water he can find. This is disgusting, and I tell him so every morning, but he’s a creature of habit, and his sink fun is an integral part of his early routine. Next, I measure some coffee into the machine, and turn it on. Then the geezer pills – five of them. Jazzbo helps by trying to head butt the pill container out of my hands and onto the floor. He’s sometimes successful, sometimes not. Next, the ‘Where is it’ game begins; and Jazzbo, knowing what come next, becomes agitated, and begins pacing back and forth on the counter. I take the container of cat treats out of the cabinet, and head toward the bedroom. Halfway there I begin the shake the little bag and I hear ka thump – ka thump, as Jazzbo descends from the counter to the floor by way of a small table I placed there for his convenience. (After all, he’s twelve) I sit down in a chair and count out four treats. These are given to him individually, accompanied by embarrassing ‘yum yum’ sounds. Then I count out six more, which I place in front of him on the floor.
While Jazzbo’s gobbling up his treats and the coffee maker is finishing its work, I walk to the office to check email. I then click on the New York Times’ web site, and head back to the kitchen for my first cup. Jazzbo’s already sitting on the counter, waiting anxiously for his milk snack. I pour myself a cup, and take the milk container out of the fridge. Jazzbo becomes highly agitated, attempting to knock the container out of my hands. I take his bowl out of the cabinet and pour him some. Then off to the office to read all the news that fits.
This has been our morning routine for many years. But I guess it’s all different now, given that I have obviously lost my mind and become a rabid sleep frolicker. Maybe we have a poltergeist. No, that would be too easy. I’m just nuts now. That must be it. Why did this happen? I’m open to any suggestions. Something must have caused this to happen, but what? Could I be suffering from Trump Anxiety? Maybe I’m not alone. Could America become so Trumpatized that we are turning into a nation of sleep walkers? Maybe, tomorrow morning, after I succumb to Jazzbo’s early morning assault, I will awaken to find that it’s all been a dream. That Hillary had won be a large margin and that all was well and good in the world. Or would that be too easy?
© 2017 Shaun Costello
HAS AMERICA SIMPLY BEEN A LIE ALL ALONG?
Do you suppose that America is simply an enormous lie that we all bought into? The Home of the Brave was carefully presented to us, when we were all too young to know the difference, by the brush of Norman Rockwell and the lens of Frank Capra. Were we hoodwinked? The twentieth century saw America emerge as an imperialist, expansionist, unstoppable juggernaut, swallowing little countries one after another. Building the canal and annexing Panama. Faking the explosion of The Maine in Havana harbor to start a phony war with Spain, out of which America gobbled up Puerto Rico and the Philippines. America, in spite of popular belief, did not win World War Two, the Russians did. After that war, the newly formed CIA went to work deposing elected heads of state in Iran, and throughout Central and South America, and replacing them with dictatorial strong men friendly to ever-expanding America, and willing to cash in on the CIA’s seemingly limitless payroll. Then America replaced France in Southeast Asia, defoliating tiny countries who wound up kicking the crap out of us. The American demonizing of Communism became a world wide joke. The USSR would die of its own faulty reality, not of anything America and its CIA could conjure. And George Bush decided to invade Iraq in a felonious war the would forever change the balance of power in the Middle East, and create the largest refugee crisis since World War Two. We Americans are an arrogant bunch, sweeping our many sins under the carpet while marching the path of self righteousness. We never forgave African Americans their freedom, espousing our fair mindedness in between lynchings, both public and private. And now America has Donald Trump, an openly misogynistic, racist, white supremacist buffoon, moving into the White House. Maybe we’ve finally gotten exactly what we deserve. These feelings have been festering inside me since Black Tuesday. They simply won’t go away. Has it all been a lie all Along? I’m just asking.
TRUMP IMMEDIATELY NAMES WHITE HOUSE SENIOR STAFF
AND FILLS CABINET POSTS
In a stunning announcement, just hours after winning the most shocking upset in American political history, Stephen Bannon, newly appointed White House Chief of Staff, shocked the world’s press by announcing the names of all of Donald Trump’s incoming senior White House staff, as well as the names of all Cabinet level appointments. Evidently the Trump transitional team has been planning the shape of a Trump administration for a while now. The immediacy of Bannon’s announcement caught the press corps off guard, as did Trump’s stunning victory. The list of appointments is as follows:
White House Chief of Staff – Stephen Bannon
Bannon, former head of the Breitbart News Network, and conspiracy theorist aficionado, took over the Trump campaign in mid-stream, and guided it to victory. Trump and Bannon seem copacetic, and Trump has given Bannon a free hand in shaping his message.
White House Communications director – Ann Coulter
In a job made famous by Toby Ziegler in The West Wing, Ann’s famous way with words should bode well for getting out the Trump Message – Her first assignment will be setting up the Trump Network’s “All Trump Radio Station”, which will give a hungry electorate a heavy dose, 24 hours a day, of Trumporama. Ann is excited and already planning her station play list.
White House Press Secretary – Sean Hannity
Hannity’s long tenure at Fox News had prepared him well for the task of interacting between White House senior staff and the Washington Press Corps. Hannity suggested that his reputation as a hate monger and smear merchant is greatly exaggerated, and that he’s really a pussy cat at heart, and can’t wait to interact, in a caring and sensitive way, with his colleagues in the Press.
White House Special Counsel – Marcia Clark
Bannon claims that Trump has long been a fan of Marcia Clark’s brilliant handling of the prosecution of OJ Simpson. Clark was not immediately available for comment, but informed sources claim that she is greatly concerned with presenting herself with the correct hair style appropriate for a White House Counsel.
Secretary of State – Newt Gingrich
This is an appointment that should surprise no one. Gringrich has been a long time Trump advisor and said he looked forward to the challenge this important job would bring. When asked if his startling resemblance to Sponge Bob Square Pants might limit his effectiveness as a Secretary of State, Gingrich refused comment.
Secretary of the Treasury – Sheldon Adelson
Long time casino compadre, and contributor to Republican campaigns, Adelson claims that running Treasury should be no different than running his casinos. He said, “We’ll just let the arithmetic work its magic.”
Secretary of Homeland Security – Joe Arpaio
Arpaio, recently unemployed after losing his election as Sheriff of Maricopa County, said that he can’t wait to get that wall going. When asked his favorite movie he responded, “That’s easy, Wet Wetback’s Badasss Song.”
Attorney General – Rudy Giuliani
No stranger to the Justice Department, and a long time Trump devotee, Giuliani claimed that, as long as he stays on his proper medication, he could run the Justice Department like a well oiled machine.
Surgeon General – Ben Carson
Carson, a real life surgeon, claimed that he was excited to take on the task of ‘America’s doctor’. He feels that the same logical approach he employed during the primaries, answering questions with painstaking exactitude, should bode well for his success.
Secrtetary of Defense – Hulk Hogan
The Hulkster seems surprised but pleased with his appointment, and looks forward to rolling up his sleeves and getting to work, kicking some Pentagon butt. Can he make America strong again? You betcha.
Secretary of Education – Sarah Palin
This is a move that should surprise no one. Trump felt that the names she gave her children indicates Palin’s imaginative involvement in the betterment of young America. And her ability to clearly communicate her ideas should bode well for her success. Palin, a Trump favorite, was not available for comment.
Secretary of Energy – David Koch
“Clean coal is the secret to an American turn around”, claimed Koch in a recent interview. When asked to define clean coal, Koch spoke about the need for more pipe lines, and expressed the need to put a stop to the antics of “Those pesky Injuns.”
Secretary of the Interior – Jan Brewer
The Interior Department should play a key role in the building of ‘The Wall’, and Brewer, sometimes referred to as “The ugliest woman in the world”, has been on that border for decades, keeping an eye on those Mexican rapists and drug dealers. She knows a thing or two and has her new boss’s complete confidence.
Secretary of Agriculture – Kellyanne Conway
An original cast member of Housewives of the Jersey Shore, and a Trump loyalist, Conway can use her experience at the farm stands of Southern New Jersey, in making America’s farms come to life again. The breadbasket of the world looks like it’s in good hands.
Scretary of Commerce – Bernie Madoff
In a surprise move, and with special release from incarceration for the length of his appointment arranged by Rudy Giuliani, Madoff claimed he was ready and up to the task. Trump replied, ‘There’s nobody like Bernie to make America rich again.”
Secretary of Labor – Katrina Pierson
Pierson, who became famous during the campaign, for taking a complex issue and explaining it with gentle simplicity, seemed shocked at her appointment. Stephen Bannon exclaimed, “The unions won’t know what hit them.”
Secertary of Health and Human Services – Bobby Knight
Knight’s feisty ways should prove helpful in cleaning up a department long known as a provider of benefits to malingerers. Bannon claimed, “Bobby knows how to get things done. Half the people on welfare in this country are heroin addicts. That’s a known fact.” The recent revelations of Knight’s fascination with the testicles of his players, down through the years, was not mentioned in his appointment.
Director of the EPA – Charles Koch
The appointment of the second Koch brother to fill Trump’s cabinet should surprise no one. Koch has long had a keen interest in the environment, and the scientific interdiction with climate change.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – David Duke
Duke’s successful management of fraternal organizations should prove useful in the complex tasks of cleaning up America’s cities. He’s uniquely qualified to deal with racial issues in urban centers that plague America.
Secretary of Transportation – Richard Petty
Both Trump and Bannon are long time Nascar fans, and when it looked like the electoral scale was tipping in Trump’s direction, he told Bannon, “It’s about time we had a Transportation Secretary that knew a thing or two about transportation. Get old Richie on the phone. He’ll make America fast again.”
Postmaster General – Kayleigh McEnany
Long a fan of the privatization of the postal system, Trump told Bannon that he’ll give it one last chance to clean up its act. “Kayleigh will raise some hell over there. Clean the place out. Get rid of those fucking mailmen. Bunch of free loaders. And besides, did you ever get a look at her legs?”
Director of the Veteran’s Administration – Curt Schilling
Schilling’s athletic prowess was in the forefront in Trump’s decision to offer him the job. “He’s an even tempered guy, very much like myself. He’s the guy to clean up the mess at the VA.”
Ambassador to the United Nations – A.J. Delgado
A Republican Latina, Delgado impressed many during her tenure as a Trump surrogate, making countless appearances on CNN during the campaign, and winning the respect of broadcast journalists with her ability to explain Trump’s message with utmost clarity.
CIA Director – Donald Trump Jr.
“You got to keep a job like this in the family”, Trump recently explained to Bannon. “You never know when might need to put Langley to good use. Some private business. Hell, Nixon used the shit out of them. With my kid in charge, we’ve got them by the balls.”
National Security Advisor – Ted Nugent
Rock star and fire arms aficionado, Ted Nugent had been a long time Trump supporter, and fully supports the ‘Bomb the shit out of them’ approach to National security.
For the next four years America will be in the hands of the individuals listed above. Trump has made his choices, and history will be the judge of their success or failure.
© 2016 Shaun Costello
THE BLAME GAME
by Shaun Costello
“If a potential political opponent scares you, blame them for every disaster in the book. Some of it is bound to stick.”
The philosophy of Karl Rove
1861…The Federal Garrison at Fort Sumter, South Carolina was fired upon by Confederate Militia, which began the American Civil War. The Secretary of State was William Henry Seward. Was Seward blamed for the Civil War? Hardly.
1914…Arch Duke Ferdinand of Austria was assassinated by a Serbian nationalist in Sarajevo, which began World War One. The Secretary of State was Robert Lansing. Was Lansing blamed for World War One? Hardly.
1941…The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, causing America to enter World War Two. The Secretary of State was Cordell Hull. Was Hull blamed for World War Two? Hardly.
1975…In April of that year, the last Americans were evacuated from our Embassy in Saigon. America had lost the war. The Secretary of State was Henry Kissinger. Was Kissinger blamed for losing the Vietnam War? Hardly.
1979…The American Embassy in Tehran was overrun by Muslim extremists. 52 Americans were held hostage for 444 days. The Secretary of State was Cyrus Vance. Was Vance blamed for the Hostage Crisis? Hardly.
1983…The American Marine Barracks in Beirut was bombed by Muslim terrorists, killing 241 U.S. Marines. The Secretary of State was George Schultz. Was Schultz blamed for the bombing? Hardly.
1998…The American Embassy in Nairobi was bombed by al Qaeda terrorists, killing 224, including 12 Americans. The Secretary of State was Madeleine Albright. Was Albright blamed for the bombing? Hardly.
2001…On September 11th, al Qaeda terrorists attacked the World Trade Center and The Pentagon. 2,996 innocent people lost their lives. The Secretary of State was Colin Powell. Was Powell blamed for the 9/11 attacks? Hardly.
2012…On September 11th, a date that was hardly a coincidence, Muslim extremists attacked the American Consulate in Benghazi, Libya. Four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens, lost their lives. The Secretary of State was Hillary Clinton. Was Clinton blamed for the Benghazi attack? Absolutely, and by every opportunistic, right wing conspiracy theorist on the planet. All the previous disasters listed above took place in another era. Before amoral right wing gangsters like Dick Cheney and Karl Rove would redefine political tactics forever by perfecting the art of mud-slinging to a degree unheard of in American politics. Nixon’s dirty tricks teams were minor league compared to Cheney and Rove.
In 2003, the CIA sent Ambassador Joseph Wilson to Niger, to substantiate the statement made by President George Bush in a State of the Union Address, that Saddam Hussein had purchased uranium from Africa. The Bush administration was desperately trying to justify its plans to invade Iraq, and there was no evidence of any of the weapons of mass destruction that Bush and Cheney had been peddling to the press, and to Congress. Wilson found no evidence to support Bush’s claims of the African/Uranium transaction. Cheney, Rove and Scooter Libby all tried to persuade Wilson to fudge his report, which
he refused to do. The White House upped the ante, and began threatening to ruin Wilson unless he lied to Congress. Wilson still refused. Wilson’s wife, Valerie Plame, was a CIA covert operative. When Cheney found out, he met with Rove and Libby and they hatched a plan to leak Plame’s CIA identity to the press through right wing columnist Art Novak.
Novak outed Plame’s CIA identity in his column. Bush’s CIA Director, George Tenet, was ordered to fire Plame, which he did. Plame’s covert networks were rolled up all over the Middle East. No one knows how many of her agents were assassinated as a result, but there must have been many.
Wilson made enough noise to get Congress to have a Special Prosecutor appointed. To save themselves from the embarrassment of being involved in any of this, Cheney and Rove threw Scooter Libby under the bus. Libby was ordered to fall on his sword. Revealing the identity of a covert CIA operative is a felony. Libby was found guilty of Obstruction of Justice, and two counts of Perjury. He was sentenced to pay $250,000 in fines and thirty months in federal prison. The sentence was, of course, commuted by Bush.
Let’s return to 2012, and the Benghazi affair. It was well known that Hillary Clinton intended to retire from her post as Secretary of State by the end of that year. She loomed large as a potential Presidential candidate in 2016. Polling data told the RNC that she was a 500 pound gorilla that they could not defeat. She enjoyed enormous popularity. When Benghazi happened, Cheney and Rove swung into action. A Congressional investigation was held to determine who was to blame for the deaths of the four Americans.
Hillary Clinton, still Secretary of State, appeared before the committee and the innuendoes began – subtle at first, then pretty blatant. Cheney and Rove met with key Republican congressmen. If they couldn’t beat Hillary in an election, they would defeat her in the court of public opinion. Four Americans were dead, and it must be Hillary’s fault. Karl Rove studied at the school of Joseph Goebbels, who had all but invented the Big Lie Theory. If you lie loud enough and often enough, sooner or later, people would begin to believe you. So, Congressman Trey Gowdy’s preposterous Benghazi Committee began its assault on Hillary Clinton. It lasted four years and cost American tax payers a fortune, and when it was over, the final report absolved Hillary Clinton of any blame for anything. But the damage had been done. The televised committee accused Clinton of so many offenses, so many times, that some of the mud began to stick. The RNC even arranged to have the mother of one of the Benghazi victims speak at last week’s Republican Convention, where she blamed Hillary Clinton for the death of her son. Either they paid this poor woman to accuse Clinton, or promised her something she needed, or the poor woman is completely delusional. The families of the other three victims told a totally different story.
So, Cheney and Rove applied Goebbels’ Big Lie theory to the 500 pound gorilla, and cut her down to size. Polls are showing a neck and neck race in key battle ground states, between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. The Big Lie theory enabled Hitler to rise to power in 1933, and to stay there until one hundred million people lost their lives in six years of horrific carnage. And the Big Lie theory could play a key role in the unthinkable – that Donald Trump, a misogynist, racist, and tyrannical buffoon, could become President of The United States.
© 2016 Shaun Costello
HEY, HILLARY HATERS – WHY EXACTLY DO YOU HATE HER?
by Shaun Costello
I’ll bet ninety percent of you don’t really know. I voted for Bernie in my state’s primary, but Hillary will be the candidate, and I will whole-heartedly support her. You call her a liar. Just what exactly has she lied about? Come on now, what? I’m not asking you to quote some neocon Fox News smear meister. I’m asking what you actually know to be true. Not what you heard, what you know. And please, back up your opinions with facts. You say you don’t trust her. Why is that? What specifically has she done to merit lack of trust? Be specific now, what? Her husband is a philanderer. She chose to stand by him, regardless. Is that her great sin? Since Bill Clinton’s first term as President, the right wing smear machine has actively attempted to tarnish the credibility of the Clinton family. Remember Whitewater? The investigation went on year after year, at the taxpayer’s expense. And the result? Nothing. Remember Ken Starr, the Special Prosecutor, who refused to relent, and year after year, he pushed onward in his politically motivated campaign to smear the Clintons. Seven years, and seventy million taxpayer dollars later, what did Starr find? Nothing. The right wing’s negative propaganda campaign has never stopped.
It goes on even today with Trey Gowdy’s preposterous, expensive and politically motivated Benghazi committee. Like Starr, Trey Gowdy was relentless in his inquisition to blame the Secretary of State for a tragic event that took place six thousand miles from her office. Four brave Americans tragically died, and the Republicans attempted to make political hay out of it. How shameful. Is Gowdy looking for a cabinet post should Trump get elected? Two years and $7,100,000 of tax payer dollars. And what did their recently released report find? Nothing.
And today, Donald Trump calls Hillary a liar, and a cheat, and even a criminal. And no one asks Mr. Trump to justify these accusations with facts. What has she lied about? How has she cheated? What crime exactly has she committed? But the repetition of these accusations, that began in 1992, and continues today – twenty four years later, has taken its toll on how America see’s Hillary Clinton.
Those accusations, that began in the fertile and evil mind of Carl Rove, a man like Goebbels, who believes that if you repeated a lie often enough, you could convince anybody of anything. And after twenty four years of accusation after accusation, even intelligent people begin to wonder – Those pesky Clintons, they’re always up to something. Propaganda is an effective political tool. Goebbels knew it. And so did Rove.
Bill Clinton lied to the American people about a blow job in a hallway. But those same intelligent people who seem to have been convinced by the tonnage of politically motivated negative propaganda, have forgotten that he lied to Hillary too. She was crushed by it, and it almost ended their marriage. But she chose to stand by him.
I find Bill Clinton to be charming and likeable, but I absolutely do not trust him. His recent clandestine meeting with Loretta Lynch aboard her plane was the arrogant act of a man who feels so empowered that he thinks he can get away with anything. His action cast aspersions on Lynch, who I’m quite sure was totally surprised to see him, and Hillary who must bear the brunt, once more, for the actions of her husband. And unlike her slick hubby, Hillary’s just not that likeable. But does lack of likeability disqualify her from being President of the United States?
So, step up to the plate, folks. Gimme whatcha got. Why are you a Hillary hater? Be specific, and back it up with facts, not innuendo.
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS A LA MODE
by Shaun Costello
There is a type of person for whom reality is just not enough. They hunger for truth, and suspect the hand of Satan behind the everyday events that most common folk find acceptable. They have a keen interest in science fiction, and can’t understand why others don’t share their awareness of the dark powers that lurk just beneath the surface of daily life. They know, for instance, that the CIA and the Defense Department control a secret base just outside Roswell New Mexico, where for five generations, they have bred, in captivity, the descendants of the original Martian colonists, who were captured in 1947. They know that Castro killed President Kennedy. And that, in 1993, President Bill Clinton caught his aide Vince Foster fucking Hillary on the White House kitchen table, shot him in the head, stuffed him in the trunk of a car, and staged a phony baloney suicide scene in a nearby park.
And they know beyond doubt, that Hillary Clinton, acting in cahoots with splinter groups of the Muslim Brotherhood, plotted to have Ambassador Chris Stevens, along with three other State Department personnel, murdered at the American Consulate in Benghazi. The reason? Suspicion of cheating at Bridge, while a guest at the White House the previous summer. Secretary Clinton just hates a cheater. And the proof? Just look at the date, friends. September 11, 2012. Say’s a lot, doesn’t it?. Clinton thought that American people would be too grief stricken over the anniversary of the Twin Towers attack to pay much attention to the swarthy doings at some remote Libyan outpost. A clever trick Madam Secretary, but you can’t pull the wool over the eyes of these folks. They’re on to your little revenge game. These people know a thing or two about what’s really going on in this country. They want America to be great again.
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by Shaun Costello
Love him, or hate him, The Donald has entertainment value. He’s a one man media circus. He’s an accident happening right before your eyes. People are fascinated by the sheer audacity of the man. We’ve never had a Presidential candidate from a major political party who talked penis size. The media loves him because the more outrageous his remarks, the higher the ratings on Fox News and CNN, and the more they can charge for advertising. He’s a kind of Millennial version of Huey Long, that man of the people from yesteryear. The GOP wants to somehow get rid of him, but how exactly are they going to do that? The Republican Party is in free-fall chaos. No sensible, intelligent, reasonable Republican wants to show his/her face during this memorable and tragic political campaign. The quality of the Presidential candidates offered by the Republican Party this year is disgraceful. How could the GOP have lowered the bar to this level? The answer is easy – Charles and David Koch. Recognizing a good thing when they saw it, the Koch brothers hijacked the Tea Party movement years ago, funding right wing fanatical congressional candidates through Koch-controlled organizations like the Heritage Foundation, and outspending the opposition enough to get them elected to Congress. So now the right side of the aisle is populated with just enough Evangelical, knuckle-dragging wackos to render Congress dysfunctional. And why? Because the Koch brothers are in the fossil fuel business, and the recognition of climate change means increased regulation of the fossil fuel industries, eating into the sacred profits of the one percent. Anyone who doesn’t think America is in serious trouble has been too busy cheering for the likes of The Donald to notice that the righteous administration of our Constitution has become corrupted by greedy profit takers, and the sycophantic, obstructionist politicians who keep the money flowing. America itself has become dysfunctional.
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